An old document, thought to be the appendix from the Treaty of Ghent is undergoing quite a bit of scrutiny in Niagara hysterical circles. The Treaty of Ghent, the document stipulating the terms of peace that ended the War of 1812, may have been wrongly interpreted. While the body of the treaty states that all borders will be returned to the pre-war locations " excepting only the Islands hereinafter mentioned".

The appendix is subject to interpretation, but it indicates that the three British and five American members of the negotiating committee felt that the presence of two significant opposing forts situated at the mouth of the Niagara River was "dangerous to the peace" and wished to prevent "accidental resumption of hostilities". The appendix is thought to have created a buffer by declaring "lands east of a line drawn from the site of Vrooman's Battery in Queenston in the South, and following Two Mile Creek north to Lake Ontario" to be American land. One analyst suggested that while it doesn't make sense to us today, in 1814, the old town district consisted of burnt out shacks that were slowly being rebuilt, and the strategic value of Fort Niagara to Canada had been proven to be minimal.

Naturally this revelation, if proved, will mean some dislocation and adjustments to folks living in the old town area.

Anyone born in the Niagara-on-the-Lake hospital or in the disputed lands between 1936 and 1956 and who failed to register for the draft has committed draft evasion and been pardoned by President Nixon in 1974. Anyone living in this area will be able to vote for Hillary, and indeed is eligible to run for President. Residents of Virgil would have to declare liquor bought in Old Town at the new border crossing. Topps would move into the Garrison Village. The Lord Mayor will have to choose between a mayoralty in Canada or 'Town Supervisor' in America. Niagara's amalgamation plans will have to be revisited. All old town prices will have to rise by 40%. The flags will have to change. Kings Point Condominiums may be asked to build another two floors in order to block the possibility of the two forts accidentally firing on each other, thereby saving the town from division. We will no longer like CBC. Beer prices will plummet. Old town would become a hotbed of professional wrestling fans. 'Eh' would be replaced by 'Huh'. The Niagara Advance would not be considered fully 'Canadian content'.

How could this happen? It appears that Right Honourable James Lord Gambier, late Admiral of the White and in 1814, Admiral of the Red Squadron of His Majesty's Fleet, had left the appendix in his 'white' uniform, but delivered the balance of the document to Parliament while wearing his 'red' uniform.  Exhumation confirms that Lord Gambier had never had his appendix out.

While we wait for resolution on what may be a messy issue, Don Ziraldo's quote in a recent Globe and Mail article, "I'm Canadian," he says. "If I moved there, I would have been just another winemaker in America" is coming back to haunt him. He may have always been.